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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Relationship Reboot

Ahem, already married people out there - when was someone going to let us in on this whole "marriage takes work, especially post-baby" information?

Lately, J and I have been trying to take more time out to remember, ya know, all that love stuff and as it turns out its a lot harder than you'd think. The days go by so quickly - we work, we come home, we clean up, make dinner, put C to bed, then crash on the couch for an hour or two before bed. Rinse and repeat.

Wooooo exciting, isn't it?

We were tired, we were cranky, and we weren't being super supportive/nice to each other at times. It was time for a change. Less time going through the motions and more time actually enjoying them - even if its just cooking dinner or cleaning up the house. We're young, we've got a wonderful little boy, and we've got each other. What is there to be blah about?

One of the "projects" we've been working on is going through this list of 50 Questions to Ask Your Spouse on a Date Night and its been a lot of fun! The questions range from simple (What is your favorite color?) to more involved (What things can I do to show my appreciation of you?) It has a religious focus and some questions definitely tickle my feminist funny bone (see questions 26, 27, & 41), but its overall a good list of conversation starters.

I feel like we've talked more lately than we have in a long time. We've also made more time for kind words and acts that we "didn't have time for" before. Its not about utility or what is logical - its about connecting and making a home in this other person.

It took quite a bit of pride swallowing to finally admit that we've been stubborn and sacrificing what should be the best parts of our relationship, but the results are too wonderful to care.

Tonight, for Valentine's Day, we enjoyed dinner....ALONE. Crazy, right? Don't get me wrong, I love my little C, but if you have a little one and haven't eaten a quiet dinner after your kid(s) have gone to bed, try it. Its like you're young and dating again. Our V-Day dinner consisted of a little surf and turf fondue.

So. much. good. cheese. And the company. He was cute too. ;-)

We've also planned a C-free weekend away in March that we are both very much looking forward to. It took a long time to get to this point, but IT IS OKAY to enjoy being husband and wife and not always Mom and Dad.

So for all of you unmarried people, here is the warning that we never got. The work isn't over when you bag a guy/gal and get hitched. Oh, the contrary - the work is just beginning. Marriage is a constant cycle of forgetting and rediscovering why you love someone more than life its self. The forgetting part will happen from time to time and there is no shame in that. The important part is that second half - going out of your way to remind that person why you are their one and only. No slacking allowed. Don't worry, its worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!


  1. OMG those questions you pointed out made me cringe. Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you're doing well and your little bundle of joy is the cutest thing in the world.
    -Kirstin Harrell

    1. Don't they just!? Like I said, in pieces, the list is pretty helpful though. You bet your butt, however, I'm not asking what can be cleaned better. Haha

      Hope you're doing well too! I see you're pretty much done with school - so cool!! Congrats! :-D

  2. It's a real shame that your source for those 50 questions comes from a gay hating jerk. I read through some of his comments that people left supporting the gay community (and the gay christian community) and he was like, "um no gay people choose to be gay. they're sinners." ....Puhlease. Anyway - Love your blog, read it all the time!


  3. You are so right, marriage takes work. It has taken us awhile to get back to "us" post-baby. We are planning our first overnight(s) from Leila at the end of the month. Have fun!

  4. I have been trying to do better about this too, it really is hard to admit you put your marriage on the back burner often.
    We now have an established movie night every Saturday, it helps that we just are together at that time and not doing other things or dealing with a baby (since he is asleep).
    I have yet to get to the point where I can leave Leland for a weekend, maybe one day?
    Have fun on your trip though!

  5. I love those spouse questions. I need to do that. Lately, I feel we are talking less. Busy with work and then we turn on the tv. This is a great idea!

    1. That's what we were doing! Going through our day and then zoning out in front of the TV. The questions really have been fun and I didn't realize how much I missed talking. :)